Let’s put a few stakes in the ground first off……..
I despise Tom Cruse, I’m and not a fan of his, yes there are a couple of movies that he stars in that I like (Risky Business,
Oblivion, Tropic Thunder), not be cause he’s the star, but for other reasons.
Secondly, in my 50+ years around the sun, there have been only a handful of great people that have influenced me with only one word or two, that has struck me in a place that it’s been a perma note in my mind, whether good or bad this word or words have embedded it’s self and seems to have been a seed that grows.
This morning as I open my email and noted that someone liked one of my previous posts that I made, and I did a little background digging and went to there page to see who and what they were about, since I like feeding my mind their page was about helping the human psyche.
I poked around a little bit and ran across and article on Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Something I definitely have, and that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing, but to others around me it’s very evident, prolific even.
I say this, and write this article, because I mentioned in another writing that I’m black and white with no/little grey area, this has a lot to do with my OCD.
My OCD is several of the many types out there, example is “Washers”, people who are afraid of contamination, as I have gotten older and a lower than normal immune system spurred on by a heart attack back in 2011, I am now more atune to making sure I stay cleaner than normal (what’s normal?), washing my hands after almost everything I do, taking more than 2 showers a day, not reusing drinking glasses even if I just finished drinking out of it, plates, flatware, what I touch in peoples cars or house, the silly list goes on and on, but yet when I’m forced and can’t wash my hands it sends a looming force over me that I’m not clean.
The “washing” is a new thing, it’s goes back so much further than that, and it evolves and diminishes too.
When I was younger, my clothes had to be hung up, and spaced 1″ apart, arranged by cascading colors, pants here, shirts there, with short sleeve to long sleeve, now my closet is more of a different tone, work clothes here, civilian clothes there, and kind of all jammed up against each other, with now merryman to the colors or sleeves, I’ll admit I’m not the one who hangs up my clothes in the closet, at least for the past 15 years.
I’m an automotive technician by trade, this come with a couple of crazy scenarios, time is money, organization saves time, organization is easy on my brain, which allows me to focus on different aspects of my job rather than searching for my 10mm socket.
BUT!!!! some tools don’t have symmetry like wrenches and wratchets/sockets, becuse of this (note: Black and White) I have a few draws that look like a fucking bomb went off in there, because things don’t fit like Tetris in there, they just DON’T FIT!
So they look like a junk drawer, even though, one drawer is all A/C equipment, it’s all the same, and even because it’s a disaster I know everything in that drawer, and where it’s placed in that drawer, so it’s a compromise in my mind to keep the looming doom from poking at me that there is really actually a mess in that drawer.
It all has a place, like my keys, wallet, glasses, ETC that sit on the kitchen counter, I had a melt down one day because my keys were NOT where I left them, I lost my fucking mind, it searched, tried to figure out where they could be and still couldn’t locate them, I had to go find the culprit that had moved them, wake them up and show me where my keys were, only about a foot away and right under my nose, but it was the disruption of my system, my OCD, that blew it out of proportion, something that’s very hard to contain, because of things like that morning, there have been new understandings about why things are where they are, and how it really messes with my routines.
Or is it really Autism?
This is why I used the picture from the movie “Rain Man”, one day while working in the shop with my best friend, music on, getting my groove going, off in the distance I heard a truck.
“1994 Toyota 4 runner, green, V-6, bad muffler, has a miss, heavy set male, dark hair, friendly, is going to wave.” I said without looking up from what I was working on.
My best friend looks over and exactly what I had said came to fruition, and it wasn’t a one time fluke kind of thing, I can do this easily 8.2586% of the time with 99% accuracy on a lot of things, EXCEPT gambling or lottery
He called me “Rain Man” he’s called me many things, but that is the one thing that has stuck in my mind, it was thought provoking enough for me to use it to write about, elaborate on, this can also be attributed in many facets of things I do, like driving a race car, and with out constraints, it’s also toxic to myself.
My life is a Beautiful Disaster, that’s the pretty ironic way of saying Black and White, Organized and a drawer full of malalined junk, I’m on my path or having a meltdown, LOL
I’m simple and complicated all in one, I am a Beautiful Disaster